I am so mad at myself.

Why am I always attracted to the heart and personality of a man, rather than wealth and education?

Why am I putting myself at this familiar position yet again?

Why do I jump off the cliff in the first place and choose to be in the ocean for a very, very long time when I know I, we, would've drowned so deep?


*pause*


But then again,

Why are status and materials matter so much in the world now?

Why do those even matter in love?

Aren't love suppose to be pure?

Aren't love suppose to be totally illogical?

Since when loving a man needs to be justified and approved?

So what's wrong if he does not come from the world I am in? Why is that a crime? Will I get hanged, bashed, or electrocuted?


*sigh*


It breaks, breaks my heart to leave you.

It breaks my heart even further looking at your tears.

You're the best thing that ever happen in my life. You've braced everything together with me, for me. You've embraced Islam.

But baby, I'm not gonna be a bad daughter, we have dragged this for years, and you know that.